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THE new California Governor-elect
[Schwarzenegger]
has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the state, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, The Terminator’s
Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as
“Austro-English” (or, perhaps even better,”Austrionics”).

  • In the first year, “s” will replace the soft
    “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil
    servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be
    dropped in favor of the “k”. This should klear
    up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less
    letter . . .
  • There will be growing publik enthusiasm in
    the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will
    be replaced with the “f”.

    This will make words
    like fotograf 20% shorter.

  • In the 3rd! year, publik akseptanse of the
    new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage
    where more komplikated changes are possible . .
    . Governments will enkourage the removal of
    doubleletters which have always ben a deterent
    to akurate speling.

    Also, al wil agre that the
    horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is
    disgrasful and it should go away.

  • By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to
    steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w”
    with “v”.
  • During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be
    dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz
    fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl
    ….. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and
    evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech
    oza.

Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.