Strange Invaders of the Public Purse

By PETER WORTHINGTON

VER the last couple of years I've periodically quoted from something called The Waste Report, issued by Alberta Reform MP John Williams (St. Albert). No doubt it's somewhat unfair to quote government spending out of context - but then, some of the things taxpayers' money is spent on are out of context too.

It strikes me that the only effective way to curb debauched or wastrel spending is to embarrass or humiliate those doing it- admittedly a difficult job, because those in government who spend lavishly often seem devoid of shame. Rarely is there any accounting for those who spend public money. The most recent Waste Report focuses heavily on Sheila Copps' Heritage Canada, which rarely finds a request too zany to turn down. For example, check the $145 million designated to celebrate the upcoming millennium:

• Earmarked is $377,500 to have thousands of people fly kites next June 1.
• A 16-foot canvasback duck is to be erected in the town of Minnedosa, Man. ($15,067).
• Two life-size replicas of mastodons are to be erected in Carroll's Corner, N.S., ($5,333).
• A 10-foot statue of a mermaid will grace Sylvan Lake, Alta., ($64,250).
• A whopping $1,057,933 goes to develop an exhibit in Peterborough's Canadian Canoe Museum (which dumb me has never heard of).

The Heritage gang gave a modest $7,250 to Cool Hand Productions for a video - How to be More Chinese. Some $45,000 is going to the Somali Canadian Counselling Association to help Somalis participate in our electoral system. (Is that counselling Somalis to vote, or who to vote for? Hmmm). The Canadian Lawyers Association gets $1,000 to translate a report: Building Public Support for Self-determination in the Western Sahara. Now there's a winner.

True, these sums are peanuts, but they add up.

Remember the fuss about the Canada Council giving $55,000 to the lesbian soft-porn film, Bubbles Galore? Well, Bubbles also got grants from the Ontario Arts Council, Toronto Arts Council, Telefilm Canada and the Ontario Film Development Corp. The star of Bubbles has reportedly appeared in 300 triple-x films. Public money for porn, but none for a documentary on Canadian troops in Kosovo ...

The Waste Report notes that when $200,000-worth of computers vanished from public works and government services in 1997-98, the RCMP wasn't asked to investigate because there were no suspects. As for the RCMP, the $1.3 million inquiry into their actions at the APEC (pepper spray) conference in Vancouver, include titillating items such as a peephole installed for $106; a doorbell, $200; coffee service $230, and a $750 "business lunch."

This April the parliamentary barber and hairdressing services were terminated - saving taxpayers $52,880 a year. It turns out that in one year the barber had just 631 customers, the hairdresser, 192. This averages out to $48.21 per haircut, and $178.85 for each hairdressing.

By 2004 a government-subsidized research team at the University of Ottawa is expected to have completed a $5 million, 15-year project for a bilingual Canadian dictionary.

The dear old defence department, strapped for cash and busy in the Balkans, had to pay $2.8 million interest on overdue bills it wouldn't, or couldn't pay. As well, it paid some $800,000-worth of bills twice, according to auditors.

Since it's only public money, it didn't bother Justice Minister Anne McLellan to hire former Liberal MP Georgette Sheridan as an assistant for three months, paying her $83,000 - which is $20,000 more than her yearly salary when she was an MP.

The National Film Board which, along with the CBC can't afford (or doesn't think it's worthwhile) to document Canadian troops in the Balkans, has invested some $15 million in a bunch of movies few would pay to see, but which may be force-fed on the people's network.

Democracy a la Maude immortalizes Maude Barlow, head of the Council of (weary) Canadians for $288,336.52. Something called Bed (a history of beds) gets $249,007.75. John Williams notes that both these projects got more than a documentary on Vimy Ridge ($244,159.55).

Other films being financed include one about how rabbits and humans formulate beliefs (Frank the Wrabbit); understanding gypsies in Slovakia (Gypsies of Svinia); a happy couple whose child turns out to be an alien from outer space (Strange Invaders); a film, Stolen Moments, which details lesbian life from past to contemporary times.

All the above are mentioned in the most recent edition of Waste Report, now in its third year. It's bizarre reading. Depending on your outlook, almost anything can be made to sound foolish - just as anything foolish can be made to sound reasonable. Well, almost anything, unless it's a government scam.

John Williams encourages people to send him items. He'll also put you on the mailing list. His fax is: 613-995-8880 and E-mail: [email protected].

Waste Report serves a useful purpose, if only to give an idea of how those who feed at the public trough have no idea of value, no judgment and less accountability.